MOTHER’S DAY – Like mother, like daughter!

 

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My daughter Elyse and I thought it might be fun to write a blog together for Mother’s Day.  So here is our offering to you, and you can check out her blog as well at http://elysemurphy.com

 Miss three years old!

Miss three years old!

As a mother of three amazing kids…now aged 29, 27 and 24, I have to say that Mother’s Day becomes a time of not a little reflection every year….but today as we thought about writing together, my youngest and I, there were some things that jumped to mind that I have learned!

Three things I have learned from my daughter:

1.             A Mother’s Love Is Inexhaustible.

When I had my first baby, I thought that I would never again be able to feel such an all encompassing and embracing love.  I thought that, like most things, the love that just took me over when she was born, was bound to fade, and that I would need to take some of it to share it with the next child. That’s how it works mathematically, right?

Not so!

With each one that was born, my heart was somehow stretched a heap more and I was able, without any sense to be made of it, and without any reasonable logic, to expand those love ‘tanks’ inside my heart that gave me such an all-out affection for each baby. And then number three child arrived… And she stretched me again with an encompassing, ferocious love that never fades.

How ever does that happen? How big is love anyway?  What if it is a reflection of how God loves us – without end?

2.             A mother’s heart is made to be broken

When I saw my last baby off to preschool, I couldn’t wait to get back into the workforce, albeit for 3 days a week.  But Elyse didn’t even turn and wave as she disappeared down the corridor to play with the other kids.  Miss three-year-old was so adjustable, so adaptable, and so ready to go out into the big world! Yes, I was the one who was left teary eyed and shaky! Had it been the same with my other two beautiful children? Well, no, but now I guess the family had learned to replicate itself, and to love upon one another purely because we are family.

It was the same on the first day of ‘big school’.  She couldn’t wait to get out and about without me! And now, in her 20’s, my baby girl has left home.  She’s gone to live on the other side of the world, in a country that she has adopted and loves.  And Mum is the one whose eyes are damp at least once a day, and whose heart longs for those Skype moments and those frantic phone calls where that little girl reaches out from her independence and asks for us to pray. If my heart weren’t broken though, if I were not ‘cracked’ as a vessel, how would the light that is on the inside ever show out? How would it ever draw others to hear my story of love? How could God even reach out through me to a broken world, if the ‘cracks’ in me weren’t there?

I guess that’s how He gets his message across about how much He loves each one on the planet – through the light shining out of my weakness.

3.             A mother can learn a lot from her kid.

As I have watched this little beauty grow up, I have realised that she is not only tenacious, but infectiously so… And an infection can spread like wild fire in the correct environment! I’ve observed her get her very own dream from God, and pursue it with all her might.

Though young, she’s taught me not to give up, never to take lightly what’s ahead with a “c’est la vie” approach, but to calculate the risk and move in on those dreams, absorbing both the cost and the exercise of my faith. Though it cost, it’s worked.

I’m seeing her make mistakes, but pick herself up and start over with a fresh resolve.  And it reminds me of someone; a person who was once young and thriving in unfamiliar territory herself.

And I wonder… Lord, do you teach children through theirmothers, and then turn around and teach the mothers through their children? I have a sneaking suspicion that this is how you work! 

That’s what I’ve learned. That’s what I am getting better at… Every day. 

And somehow I am starting to understand your heart a little more, that heart of Love that binds together families and holds them close, no matter how far apart they are… 

And now. Over to you Elyse….

elysemurphy.com
elysemurphy.com

I love my mum. Yes, mum. You can take the girl out of Australia, but you can’t take the original English language out of the girl… I think that’s how the saying goes.

I love her for so many reasons… For giving me permission to be unapologetically me, with my high pitch and strong opinions… For making sure I knew that I was loved no matter where I was or what I did, and for making sure my heart knew that, not just my head… I love my mum because, to me, she is home.

Plus, I’m pretty sure she’s the reason I drink at least one cup of tea per day… And I don’t even like tea.

You may not know this but my mum is a published author (she can also hold an in-depth conversation with animals, but that’s for another blog). She’s the one who inspired me to start writing. I saw her go on a journey of writing a book, which started out as her story of an abusive father. But as she wrote, she processed. As she processed, she began to heal. In the end my mum wrote a beautifully moving and honouring book about her father, my grandad – a man who had faults and emotional baggage, yes, but a man who loved his kids completely and was willing to sacrifice whatever in order for then to have a better life. And as my mum became vulnerable, as she took one step further than she felt comfortable in her writing, other people found healing through her words.

Mum, fireside
Mum, fireside

My mum taught me that it’s our honesty, whether on paper or in person, that unlocks healing in others.

So this mother’s day weekend, we had a fun idea. We decided to team up and reflect on what we have learned from each other. We have very different writing styles, which I love. I blurt whatever I’m thinking onto page, where as my mum lingers over every word, evoking imagery like no one else. You’ll see.

Three things I have learned from my mum: 

1.    Fierce Loyalty

Fierce is the only word adequate to describe the kind of loyalty mum possesses. It’s greater than an allegiance to a football team and she could give any One Direction a run for their money. Her loyalty is unmatched.

Growing up, whether life was scary or uncertain or exciting, I always knew one thing. Mum had my back, and my heart. I think back to these last few months of moving oversees. There were times all I wanted to do was a book a flight home and say, “it’s just too hard.” Until I skyped my mum. Though she wanted me home more than anything, she knew where I needed to be. She reminded me God placed me here and that all I needed was a good nights sleep. She promised me that tomorrow would be better.

And I believed it. Why? Because my mum said so.

2.     How to be beautiful

I love when people say, “Look at a girls mother to see what you’ll be married to in 20 years!” My response? Go ahead! My mum’s a total fox. If you’ve met her you already know that. She was a flight attendant for years back when flight attendants had to be foxes. I’m using the word fox a lot. I kinda like it. Anyway, she’s stunning. She taught me as a little girl how to cleanse my face, put on makeup and moisturise, “… and don’t forget to moisturise your neck and the backs of your hands because that’s where you can tell a woman’s age.” I can still hear her telling me in the mirror as I watched her get ready for a date night with my dad.  But more than that, she taught me how to be beautiful, how to hold my head high in public, how to speak up for what I believed in, how to dress classy not like a huss…. Un-classy.

Even as a little girl, I always saw her as the prettiest woman in the whole world… Now I know it’s because she radiates beauty. She is sassy. She is selfless. She is strong.  She is stunning.

Now she's 21!!
Now she’s 21!!

3.    No one will ever satisfy, comfort or understand me like Jesus.

This one hasn’t so much been taught, more caught. My mum loves Jesus, like really loves Jesus. Think of someone who loves Jesus, and times it by like a billion. That’s my mum. And it is contagious.

I have lost count of the amount of times that I have walked down the stairs to find my mum either worshipping, praying or journaling. Her answer to dilemmas has never been to call a friend, but rather to go for a walk and pray about it. I have witnessed her face battles with a shield of faith and a sword of the spirit, because she knows her word and she’s not afraid to use it. It’s inspiring.

I want my faith to be like hers. I want to love Jesus like she does.

When I grow up, I want to be like my mum.

Happy Mothers Day xo

Now Its Your Turn: We’d love to hear from you! Let’s connect in the comments box below or you can subscribe to my blog and/or subscribe to my mum’s blog!

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Easter’s gift!

As Easter approaches

Brightly wrapped set of Chocolate Easter Eggs photo

It’s Easter week and I am reminded of the profound gift that is mine from my Heavenly Father. This gift is given to me forever, and shows the generosity and incomprehensible love that has forever and always pierced and lifted my heart. The gift of Jesus, to me.

There are many ways for us to give.  For us to reflect the Father’s heart.

Let me tell you a story….

It was Christmas, 2013, and I received a gift from my son and daughter in law which made me cry, not out of sadness but a realisation that a tender and observant heart can bring blessing and honour to a mother, as hands are extended in love and generosity. These two dear ones had spent the last months bringing an old toy back to life and restoring its former glory, just to bring me joy. And it was presented to me with loving hearts and hands.

I share with you today an excerpt from my book “Dancing With My Daddy” so that you will understand the context, and then this gift.

My rocking horse
My rocking horse

“With dappled grey, hardwood body and long, flowing mane, he stood in the corner of my room, upstairs in the little council house which was identical to rows of others in a neat English street.  Ready to entertain me at a moment’s notice, this most beautiful of rocking horses was a hand-me-down, but nonetheless, my pride and joy.

Dark red reins draped his head, and he held a wry smile – as rocking horses do.  His saddle was ever ready to take me to a new adventure. 

Though painted on, his beautiful eyes beckoned me with a life-like wink.  Just a shake of his luxurious rope mane, and I believed in his whispering tales of new lands to conquer, new pastures to visit, long and rolling meadows to gallop together, with all my heart. 

For many years I was too small to climb up on his saddle without help, but later as I grew I would spend time just rocking to and fro, thinking and dreaming little girl dreams.  I was just the two of us, in or own special world.  Coloured and faraway lands called me forth to play.  Lands of castles, princesses and high towers, trusty steeds that sped through thickly wooded forests and spirited me away from lurking goblins and the like; terrors of the forest and true heroes lived in this magical world.

And as we travelled through verdant glens and valleys, passing by imaginary friends, and stopping in for tea parties at lavish estates with kings and queens, we would experience the adventures that only a child’s mind can comprehend.  He and I were one.”

The story goes on to say that my Dad eventually gave away my rocking horse, and of course, with it went memories and childhood stories that could live only in my mind. But little did I know, Dad had reflected the heart of the Father in Heaven as he gave the rocking horse to a poor family, to a little immigrant girl who had very few toys, and small joy in her life.

“What does it take to reflect God’s heart?  Generosity, care for others, and a vision to bless a neighbour.” 

What came next in the story, though, is what shows the generosity of one for another.The reward that comes to the generous.

My Easter Sunday was forever marked in my mind that year, as I ran home from celebrating the festival at church, and, wanting to open my usual one Easter egg, I was astounded as I opened the door and there, on the kitchen table…the biggest surprise gift from….the little girl’s family who had been given my rocking horse!

Yes…generosity begets generosity.  The Father’s love and His immeasurable gift to us is evidence that we are able to have hearts of love and consideration towards others…to love because He loved.

To give because He gave.

Here’s the prayer at the end of the chapter which may help you today:   “Often I hug the hurts of the life life so very close that I can’t see the lesson that you have in them for me. Help me to look up, to look around, and to see what it is in each season of life that you want to teach me.  Help me to understand that a generous heart is straight from you…..” 

As you and I celebrate Easter this coming weekend, let’s never forget the value and the impact on humanity that God’s greatest gift to us has brought us.  The gift that will never fail us. The Son of God in our hearts for ever…if we will just believe.

And in the meantime, our everyday lives can be released to reflect the Father’s generosity…if we will but ask Him to give us opportunities…every day.

Psalm 112:5:

“Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely.  He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor”

**Note: Here’s a link to a video which will tell you all about Dancing With My Daddy (Every Daughter’s Journey)   http://store.influenceresources.com/products/dancing-with-my-daddy

 

 

Photos by stevendepolo,

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 
photo credit: M Hooper via <a href="http
photo credit: M Hooper via

It’s New Year’s Eve!    As we leave the old and bring in the new…what are your thoughts about the future?

Counting down at midnight, what do you think will be uppermost in your mind about what’s ahead?

I was taking down my Christmas tree and all the family decorations just yesterday and I mused about the correlation that this often has in our minds to saying ‘goodbye’ to an old year and ushering in the new one.
It never changes. We do it at this time of the year, every year.
And yet we hope for a ‘better tomorrow’ and wish one another health and happiness as we approach the countdown. Every year. Someone once said the ‘definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result’.
Truth is, if we just pack away the ‘old’ and bring it out again in the future…how have we moved forward?

tree 2

………..5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And it’s here.  The new slate upon which to write. A year that’s never been lived. The hope that things will all be different now…

Sigh.

As I packed away the beautiful coloured baubles into their boxes and stacked each one neatly in its place up high in the storage cupboard, I couldn’t help but think to myself….this will all be away now until the end of the new year, when I’ll bring it all out and put it on display…again. Been doing it for decades.

BAUBLES 2

The Christmas tree now looks bare. It’s sad to see it being dismantled. The Santa hats have been flung around the place, waiting for collection. Listlessly they hang, as if nobody cares now, when last week we were all running around with the red and white adornments on our heads wishing health and happiness to all.  Now they lay like drunken and spent bodies after a wild NYE party. HAT 2

The angel dolls, so carefully placed next to Christmas candles, have spent the last month adorning my lounge room, silently singing carols and wishing us good cheer.  Now they sleep peacefully in the box of Christmas things, like resposing princesses, waiting for their chance to shine again.

ANGELS 2 Not sad, but thought provoking.  Here are a few of my own thoughts – call them my resolutions if you will – as I start towards the new year of 2014:

REFLECTION is always good!

1.   We can grow by allowing ourselves to think.

I know, I know…obvious, right?
But it’s something that we ‘prefectionistas’ don’t necessarily allow ourselves the luxury of doing. “Necessity is the mother of invention”, my Mum always said…. So when we come to the place of realising that it’s so necessary to reflect, and not just swiftly move on…that’s when change can actually happen in us. Do I allow myself to do that in my busy and bustling world?

Take it easy!  Put up your feet, make a cuppa and reflect on YOU. You’re so worth it!

2.   We can grow by allowing ourselves to dismantle.

What?! But I’m a mother, a wife, a woman of the 21st century…it’s dangerous and vulnerability rules when I think about this – and yes, that’s the point! We grow the most in our character when we are the most vulnerable, but then are open to change and move forward. Before the Creator of all things…let it all hang out! In the private place of devotion to Jesus, you can.  And it’s entirely possible, that things will be different from this moment on.

Let your hair down!  Allow yourself to ‘deconstruct’, not in an indulgent way, but before Jesus himself…being honest, believing for the best for YOU in the new year.

3.    We can grow by allowing ourselves grace.

Decide on a new colour scheme for the Christmas tree next year. (I can almost hear you sucking in your breath as your heart beats wildly in your chest…too much?) Yes, tradition is good, but it can’t rule you. Let God place a new dream, a new pattern of His thinking, a new vision in your heart. don’t box yourself in to the old perameters! (definition: ‘a limit or boundary that defines the scope of a particular process or activity’} 

… think OUTSIDE of that box. Why can’t things be different for you next year?  It’s just a decision away!

Think about this:

* What would I have changed?  

* What could I have done differently? (it may even help to write it down in your journal!)

* What could I have done more effectively? (character, relationship building, career/family?)

*  How can I avoid the mistakes of the past being repeated in this approaching new year?

*  What can I leave behind?

* What is useful that can be packed safely away but brought out another day?

Next year…newness may rule.  Or not.  That’s my decision. Bring it on!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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STORMS IN OUR LIVES

 

bushfire warning

 

It’s probably going to be the hottest day of spring 2013 so far.  An estimated 31 degrees (Celsius) that will warm up our city and prepare us for the coming heat of the Australian summer. The promised sun, surf and sand…the freedom of walking and running outside… seasonal change is coming, and we are gladly fare welling being chilled to the bone, electric blankets and huddling around the heater.  And it’s only September!

But with summer in Australia comes the usual threat of bushfires, the drama of summer storms. Today we’ve witnessed the familiar sights and sounds of fire, ravaging areas of bushland and reaching devastating fingers into suburbia, on the outskirts of our city.  Destructive waves of hungry devastation that leave lives wrecked and hanging in the balance.  We are perhaps less ready for this because it’s so early in the new season…

These ‘fire storms’ that become an encroaching menace during our hot weather seem to be starting earlier now, engulfing more.  They can create even their own weather patterns.  They stop at nothing until they’ve been quenched by the water bombing, the hosing, the back burning…

Ever been in your own ‘fire storm’?

Here we are, motoring along with the ‘seasons’ of our lives all planned, neatly tucked into our futures and unfolding them nicely in a way that is called ‘happiness’, (maybe even ‘blessed’! ) We are satisfied with the way that we have achieved life’s equilibrium in our current season and so are often not ready when the storm hits.

And then it’s here…

As we shade our eyes from the sunlight of the day, we can hear the distant rumble of the thunder.  It gradually grows closer; the flashes of light surprise us, heralding a drenching of rain.

That lightning showing up on our horizon.

Ignition.  And the storm begins.

bushfire

Your storm could manifest as disease, financial pressure or the death of someone close.  It could be the breakup of an important relationship, the loss of a dear pet or the change, by choice or not, of your occupation.

But it’s a storm.

Ever felt the ominous rumble, seen the light flashing of your own approaching tempest? 

Your storm may have been months, years in the brewing, and you felt that it was coming.  Or it may be one of the unpredictable ones that just creep up on us when we’re not looking.  Out of the blue, so to speak…

But it’s started to create now its own weather pattern within your world.  It’s demanding attention, seeking your very emotional health as its victim.

Whatever ‘storm’ you feel is approaching, or that you are in the middle of right now, or that you may be anticipating in the future, there are valuable life lessons that they can bring us.

Distant thunder is often just noise.

–       Fear of an approaching storm is often more debilitating than the reality.

–       If we can calmly evaluate the approaching storm, dealing with it accordingly, we can benefit.

–       Fear of the unknown can unnerve us. Faith in the midst will empower us.

–       Hunker down…look up!

Lightening can strike twice in the same place.

–       It’s as simple as not putting yourself in the direct ‘firing line’ of a storm.

–       Learn from your storm, take note of what to avoid next time. Reflect on what causes its ignition…

–       Take shelter! Remember that a bushfire actually creates its own weather pattern.  So can the emotions of your storm.

Wait for the rain – it will come.

–       We often ‘move’ too fast, not waiting for the inevitable refreshing of the rain that follows.

–       Help will come if we listen, look and understand where to call for that help.

Build with the new shoots.

–       Rain brings new growth, don’t let it die, but use it well.

–       The ‘green shoots’ are what bear the promise of a new future.

–       Enjoy the next season, don’t re-live the pain, but use the lessons.

Do you remember that famous story of Jesus calming the storm in Matthew 8?

I am forever amazed that no matter what kind of tempest assails me, no matter how deep I am down in the whirlpool of life’s storms, He can always rescue me.

It’s just a matter of making that call…

Jesus…help me.

“Then He stood up and told the wind to be silent, the sea to quiet down: ”Silence!”.  The sea became smooth as glass”. (Matt 8:26)

Valery

 

 

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Father’s Day – five things I’ve learned from my husband

It’s Father’s Day this coming weekend in America, and because we have so many friends in the USA who are Dads…here’s a salute to you and your families!

I’ve learned so much watching my husband Michael parenting our three great kids. Here are five lessons learned (bullet points because I know men don’t like detail!)

CHAMPION THE KIDS!

Encouraging another is about giving from an unselfish heart. Running the sidelines at his son’s weekly football match – since Ryan was six… yelling at the referee, patting the players on the back, joining in the victory song – it’s all about championing the kids! When He and Ryan ran the New York Marathon a few years ago, the situation became reversed as, when the pace slowed, Ryan placed a gentle hand, supporting and giving strength, on his Dad’s back. Champions breed champions!

Encourage yr son!

DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY!

The name MURPHY gives it away really…fun-loving, crazy times with an ever enlarging clan every Christmas. Passed down through the generations, this part of Michael’s emotional health has been forged from being one of seven kids and realising early that life is not necessarily going to revolve around “moi”….even though I think it should! And our kids have realised this too…so well that I know as parents they are going to blitz it! The only one who takes you seriously is you!

crazy MRM Santa

CELEBRATE THE MEMORIES!

Enter Murphy’s Marvellous Mystery Tours – days when Michael would give the kids the day off school, driving off into yet another adventure as he sang, danced and joked his way into their hearts while showing them that life is about the memories that we hold in the future….Kids always remember the times when we make them feel special, loved and valued as individuals.

And nothing can compare with the two family weddings we’ve experienced. The time when Michael walked his eldest daughter down the aisle was a deserved honour and privilege that Dads and their daughters will always remember, and deserve to enjoy.  And with many more memories to yet be created, it’s looking like an exciting future.

Pink headphones & MRM

THERE’S AN OBJECT LESSON IN EVERYTHING!

As my adult kids hear this, I can see them bow their shaking heads like sages, and with a knowing look at each other, remembering that nothing was ever a situation NOT to be learned from….

And I love that!

Michael has always turned situations around for the good of his kids, understanding that God will always deal with them for good in the light of their future.  And as parents, sometimes we need to let Him do just that….

One eyed

NEVER BE EMBARRASSED TO CARRY YOUR WIFE’S HANDBAG!

Random but necessary! He’s always been one to carry the burden of his family well. And that includes taking the weight, sharing of the burden, walking the extra mile with each of his kids. From pacing the floor to get the babies to sleep on his shoulder, to working with his youngest daughter to launch her first book, and to learn how to speak and teach effectively for the Kingdom….he carries the cares of his daughters and son continually.

I think they made a great choice of Dad – all three of them! But personally, I think I got the jackpot – I got a top husband, a great Dad for my kids and a future that holds even more life lessons to be learned.

carry your wife' bag!

When you carry your wife’s handbag, Michael, people notice…even from behind.

Valery

 

 

 

 

 

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